Ignorance Is Bliss


Finally, I’ve managed to coerce myself to write. Though I may not know what nonsense might came up later, but I’m willing to try. Sometimes I feel like I have a phobia in writing. Graphophobia. Or is it a phobia of writing in public (Scriptophobia)? Whatever it is, I’ve managed to finished 5 sentences already, right? And fuck man, this does takes courage to do!! Hahaa..Reminds me of my favorite quote..“Courage is not the lack of fear but the ability to face it” by Lt. John B. Putnam Jr. (1921-1944).

The quote does come in handy during my sk8boarding years as I intend to learn new tricks that obviously need “balls of fury” to even attempt it. It sort of gives you the audacity to even try. Even though most of the time I end up eating dirt or landed on my ass, I still try to land the same trick the next day. And yes, sk8boarding is a state of mind. I do have my own way to overcome fear. “Don’t think about it”. That always works. The end result depends on the subject matter whether the thing you’re trying to attempt is good, bad or purely dumb. You can do everything you want on this, but I am not to be blamed for all the shameful stupidity that you guys do. Please, strictly no lawsuits against me. I can’t even afford to buy a 2nd hand Toyota Corolla GL to drift on.

Finished my 2nd paragraph. Hmm.I’m gaining momentum to continue my crap now. Its good to try something new. It opens up your mind. Whether it’s a good thing or not, that’ll depend on how you perceive things. I’ve never tried other Japanese food before (except sushi). A friend took me to this Japanese kiosk at the food court and encourages me to try the “I don’t know what it’s called” ugly eel with soy sauce and rice. It doesn’t seem very tasty to me but then again, and I quoted this from my friend “The uglier the fish, the better it taste”. So, I decided to give it a try. And you know what? I actually liked it! Haha. Also including the Green Tea that I ordered for the first time. I learned a lot that day. Don’t close doors for new opportunity to learn, share and experience.

I’m used to keeping things to myself. Not wanting to share my thoughts & views. I’d rather absorbed from other’s experience. There was a game I played in school. You have to list 5 of your friends and give them any color that suits that particular person. 4 out of 5 of my friends gave me black. The explanation is simple. Black represents something hard, unchangeable, extreme and taboo. I didn’t even ask them as to why they gave me black, but I think I understood. At that very moment, it didn’t even struck my mind that I have to change and give chances to my surroundings. Maybe my friends were trying to tell me something but I didn’t listen to them enough. My bad. I’m very slow at things sometimes. Now I’m regretting it. All the time wasted, being so confined in my own private sandbox, clicks, world.

Everything I do, everything that I listen to, every music I play, every chord I strum, every notes I wrote, every homework I did, every situation I encounter, I kept it to myself..Everytime I Die..heh!! I guess nobody understand my world except me. Sharing is taboo. It’ll let people find your weakness. I have weakness and I have to hide it. Its the thing I learn in my hostel. If not, people will go against you. Junior will disrespect you. Be flawless.Well, fuck boys school!!but then again..im just saying that because my life sucks. I love you, Anderson. To strive, to seek, to find & not to yield!!!

But now I think I’ve changed. Can’t stop from making statements. I’ve become a self-centered, ego, all about me SOB! Can’t seem to balance it. There’s no moderate for me. Extreme. Hmm..it describes the color black again. Just can’t help it. I love being ‘black’. Is there any way I could colour my world? Put some sunshine through the densely filtered window. Ahh..shit! I’m writing this down without even realizing that my blog background color is also black! I guess it’s true. I’m cursed. Bad karma is hunting me down. Ahh..who gives a fuck anyway. It’s like we’re in a system. Can’t turn it back. We have to follow; we are being programmed to see it only one way. By whom? It's our black tangled heart..

The paranoia of “no escape”. Escapism. Not wanting to deal with your problem. Not wanting to face your enemy, your fears. A quote from my friend, Joemaxx “escapism mudah!”….Btol bro, aku seorang escapist!! Give up, give up, and give up!! There’s no future, there’s no hope..

Defiance – No Future No Hope

there ain't no future and there ain't no hope
for humankind or change within the system
there ain't no future and there ain't no hope
in a fucked up system that takes your life away
there ain't no future and there ain't no hope
rules and regulations getting in our way
there ain't no future and there ain't no hope
the only hope and dream i have is to watch it all destroyed

(At the moment I’m writing this down, I’ve just finished listening to Defiance)

I miss the good old days. Not being held responsible to anything. No worries. Fuck the world. Pure ignorance. Whether they live or die, we don’t give a damn as long as we live, right? Have you thought of it that way? It’s hard being an adult. It comes with responsibilities. I don’t think I’m ready for any of this shit. But then again, maybe I’m just being emo..

Fingerprint (France)

Surrender

Answering all their questions without the least suspicion
Satisfying their desires without the least reaction
You exactly fit into the mold they have designed for you
Forced to be happy in a so artificial skin
You know you can’t fight back
You know they’re always right
Accepting their decisions without the least reflection
Forsaking your existence without the least resistance
You exactly fit into the mold they have designed for you,
You give up your life
You give up any sense of struggle
Decisions is not yours anymore
You hide through the masses
You have lost integrity
You haven’t risked your life
You have become a standard, numbered and quantified

Sumber lirik : Dipetik dari koleksi klasik Joe 69 Max

3 comments:

AL said...

yes! finally! u willing to try n write is already a step outta d black box. - a change towards sthin new n dif.

aa... itz called unagi la dear. n it seems ur fren n i hav ver similar taste. hee...

n change isn't a bad thing. it may be risky, but at d end of d day, swimming cud help u survive rather than just floatin, no? :P

fhj said...

According to law of conservation of energy:
Black attracts heat..
Black absorbs heat..
Black = warm..
Warm hearted. Period.
hee.. :)

Joe Max of yellow & orange (e-fanzine & blog) said...

Malam tadi aku dengar lagu Paint It, Black dari band The Rolling Stone... berentak Rock N Roll... lagu nie, telah di beri nafas baru oleh The Black Dahlia Murder, berentak metal dan The Agony Scene, berentak hardcore...aku tujukan lagu nie... untuk kau...hehehe... tak kira anda rock N roll, death metal or hardcore... Black is the color... Black is Contra, opposite the white flag...that's mean...you shall never surrender...cheerio!